An empty house, no wife, no kids and no pets.One day last June my life turned upside down. I was replacing a fuel pump on a new car, a spark hit the gas line and 'puff' my hands and arms went up in flames."How long will I have to keep this shit on my hands Doc?" I ask the doctor, while looking a the massive bandages on my hands. My hands looked like two white basketballs. How was I going to eat, wash and most important, piss?With a surprised look on his face he replied, "Shit? That is the best job of wrapping burns, I have ever done. And... they will not come off until four to six weeks, Sir."'Oh fuck, I pissed off the doctor.' I thought.I made my way out to my truck, " Yeah right, how do I fuckin' drive?" and I kicked the side of my fully restored 1930 Ford pickup.I heard a little giggle, so, I turned to see who was the 'smart ass' laughing at me, "Looks like you are having a very, bad day." Her English accent sounded so sweet as she sat on the curb.I held out my hands, A very bad. I think it was the fact that his spouse was passed out from too much wine in the upstairs bedroom that filled him with the determination to show me his best moves in an illicit performance.I gave my daughter the hourly wages for the assignment because I knew she needed the money, but I kept the tip he gave me because I felt it was really for my horizontal performance and not my babysitting skills that he wanted to reward me for and that it was our business and not my daughter's. I took a shower when I got home washing the cream out of all my openings thinking happy thoughts for the first time in a very long time.The next time my daughter asked me to fill in for her, I pretended that it was a dreadful imposition but finally reluctantly agreed providing she let me borrow some of her school clothes to help me look younger than my 38 years and give the impression I was an innocent babysitter. I told her it helped to cut down the pesky questions about my age and why I was babysitting like.
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